Funny Quotes

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. Bill Cosby

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Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy. Frank Sinatra

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History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
Napolean Bonaparte

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A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first.
Oscar Levant

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I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits
Albert Einstein

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield

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Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Mark Twain

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Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
Mark Twain

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See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams

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